Every parent has been there - you ask your child to put on their shoes, clean up toys, or sit at the table and it is like you are invisible. While it is easy to label this as “defiance”, the truth is that children’s brains are still developing the skills needed for focus, listening and self-regulation.



When kids don’t listen, it is less about wilful disobedience and more about how their brains process attention, memory and communication. The good news is that science offers practical ways to get kids to tune in without constant nagging or yelling. Here are six tricks that really work.



Get down to their level: Eye contact matters

Instead of calling instructions across the room, kneel down, make eye contact and use their name before giving directions. Eye contact plus your presence helps signal importance and boosts recall. According to a 1999 study published in the
Journal of Child Language, “Children’s language and listening skills are embedded in social interaction and responsive communication.” The researchers noted that listening is strongest when communication is face-to-face and socially engaged.



Keep it short and clear: Fewer words lead to better results

Swap long explanations for 1–2 step instructions like “
Shoes on, then bag”. The shorter your request, the more likely they will follow through. A 2008 study in
Applied Cognitive Psychology revealed that children’s working memory capacity limits their ability to follow lengthy instructions. Research on working memory shows kids can only hold a few pieces of information at once.



Use positive phrasing: Tell them what to do, not what not to do

Instead of saying, “
Don’t run,” say “
Please walk”. Kids need to hear clear models of desired behaviour rather than vague prohibitions. A 2001 study in the
Journal of Emotional and Behavioral Disorders claimed that children respond more positively and compliantly to specific, positively stated directions. Classroom research confirms that positive phrasing improves compliance and reduces resistance.



Give choices (with limits): Control increases cooperation

Offer two acceptable options, “
Blue cup or red cup?” When kids feel they have a say, they are more likely to cooperate. A 2008 study in the
Journal of Applied Behavior Analysis established that choice-making promotes engagement and decreases problem behaviours in young children. This is because choice restores a sense of autonomy, which increases listening.



Reinforce good listening: Catch them when they do it right

Immediately praise listening with specifics, “
Thanks for coming when I called!” Praise strengthens the likelihood that listening will repeat and this is backed by a 2011 study,
Promoting compliance with daily routines through positive reinforcement, which shared that positive reinforcement increased compliance and reduced resistance during family routines. Parents who actively reinforce compliance see better results than those who focus on punishment.



Model attentive listening yourself

Put away your phone, crouch to their level and listen when they talk, even if it is about cartoons. When parents consistently model attentive listening, children are more likely to pay it back. A 2001 study,
Talking about events: The influence of parent and child contributions, found that children’s engagement and attention are influenced by the responsiveness of adults in conversation. Kids mirror adult listening behaviour.



By applying these six tricks of eye contact, short instructions, positive phrasing, limited choices, reinforcement and modelling, you are not just getting through the daily routines. You are wiring their brains for stronger attention, better cooperation and healthier communication skills that will last a lifetime.